Time and Patience
by savedher
Summary: Patience is a virtue Lucien has never acquired. Set after S4. Probably a failed experiment on my part, but I tried.


He paused in the doorway to the sunroom, watching her. He had unconsciously made a habit of this. He waited for the moment she would sense his presence.

Always graceful, she would pause and turn ever so slightly in his direction. Often, he would see the curve of her cheek as she tried and failed to suppress a smile.

His patience would be rewarded when she would greet him from where she stood or come to him and give him a kiss. On a few rare occasions, she had bent over in that naturally seductive way of hers, and he had to use every ounce of self-control not to pick her up and carry her to his bedroom.

It took her longer than usual to acknowledge him today. Perhaps she was not in the mood or she was so involved in her task that she really hadn't noticed him.

He longed to cherish her. To hold her whenever he wished. To praise her and shower her with affection, even in public. He hoped that she would not refuse him this once they were married. He was afraid that it had become ingrained in her to say no.

She rarely refused his kisses now, at least when they were alone. She'd even allowed a few caresses when Charlie was in the room.

He let his mind wander to their future bedroom. He had thought of hundreds of ways their first night together would play out. He wondered if she would be shy or forthright. If she would allow him to please her in ways she had probably never experienced. If he would have to tease or beg or coax her into enjoying herself or enjoying him. He had composed a response to any objection she might make and had thus far discovered at least a dozen ways he could please her, even with the limitations she imposed on him.

Sometimes, he wondered about Christopher Sr. He knew she still loved him in some ways. He must have been a decent man, and at least a capable lover. He didn't want to compete with a dead man.

How many farmers had studied the Kama Sutra? None, in his experience. And so many farmer's wives were afraid to try even the more modest suggestions he would give them in the surgery. He felt certain that she would at least let him try some of them. She may even want to peruse the book herself. He suddenly realized she could have done so. It was in the bookcase with his medical books, which she had admitted to reading. She had such a quick and curious mind. He smiled at the thought.

He came back to himself and realized she was watching him with concern. Her lips were slightly parted, her clothes disheveled from the work she had done, and her hair had escaped the bobby pins she had so carefully applied.

Unable to control himself, he rapidly closed the gap between them and pulled her roughly to him, his mouth harsh against hers. His tongue invaded her mouth searching, dominating. He pulled her thighs over his hips and pushed her against the wall. "Jean." He didn't recognize his own voice.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders, but she didn't resist. "Lucien."

He stopped. Listening as their breathing slowed. Jean stroked his face, attempting to soothe him. He loosened his grip on her, allowing her feet once more to touch the ground. "I'm so sorry, Jean." He placed gentle kisses along her mouth and neck, trying to take back the violence of his affections. "Have I hurt you?"

He was still holding her close, but without any force behind it. She could have pulled away if she chose.

"No, Lucien. You haven't hurt me." Her mouth was already swollen. Her eyes scanned his face. "Are you alright?"

"Jean." He touched her bottom lip with his thumb. "There is no excuse for my behavior."

"There must be a reason, Lucien."

He finally let her go and sat down in the nearest chair. He was certain he look shell shocked. That's exactly how he felt. Jean seemed unfazed. He realized he should not have been surprised by this.

"I suppose...the wait has taken its toll on me." He shook his head, disappointed in himself. Upset that he had lost control. What if he had hurt her?

"Perhaps I should go to China. I may not be able to affect the divorce proceedings, but at least you would be safe from me."

Jean sighed. She walked over to him and sat in his lap. "I feel safest when I'm with you. And you're not going to China without me."

He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the very first time. "Would you like to go to China?"

"I will go where you go, Lucien. Don't you dare ever leave me again."

"When did I...? But we weren't together then..."

"I knew when you got back that I was in serious trouble."

"Did you?" He smiled. "Think of all the extra kisses I could have coaxed out of you..."

"Lucien!"

His face grew serious again. "I'm not sure I can take another year of this, Jean." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"What choice do we have?" Her fingers followed the trails his had left behind.

"Either I can be a bigamist or you can be my mistress."

They sat in silence for a while. He absently stroked her back. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb.

"This isn't so bad," she said.

"No, I suppose it isn't."

She put her arms around his neck. "You can kiss me, if you want."

"Oh, I want."

The sun had nearly passed the horizon, and Jean was sleeping in his arms. His legs had fallen asleep with her, but he didn't want to move. He was captivated by her.

He had been angry with God for so long, but Jean had slowly changed that. He prayed to whatever powers that be that this woman would be his. He promised that he would make every endeavor to deserve her. Then he said a prayer of thanks for all that she was and all that she had done for him.

Jean woke and smiled at him. "I should make you something to eat. It's getting late..." She yawned and stretched, then let her hands rest on his shoulders.

He kissed her gently.

"I will wait a year, five years, no matter how long it takes."

"For dinner?"

"For you."

"What brought this on?"

"You, Jean. Just you."

She smiled at him, and he knew. Whatever God or fate or chance threw at them, they would weather it together.


End file.
